1. Sliders Family Meal Deal — New York Yankees, Yankee Stadium
Five sliders. At least a pound of french fries. All served in a giant souvenir bucket. For only $20. This is, quite literally, a bucket for your stadium bucket list.
Weird bonus: If you pay with your MasterCard, they throw in a liter of Pepsi for free.
2. The Walk Off — Baltimore Orioles, Camden Yards
It’s an Old Bay Roma sausage inside a pretzel roll, topped with crab dip, and then topped with more Old Bay seasoning. (The Orioles also have plenty of Old Bay around the ballpark in case you’re running low.)
3. Baseball’s Best Burger – Gateway Grizzlies, GCS Ballpark
Luther Vandross was rumored to enjoy his hamburgers inside a bun made of doughnuts. This version of “The Luther Burger” features a Krispy Kreme doughnut, with bacon and cheese topping the burger. The team claims it’s only 45 grams of fat and 1,000 calories, but that seems impossibly low.
4. The Baco — West Michigan Whitecaps, Fifth Third Ballpark
Taco + Bacon shell = Baco. Would eat.
5. Murph-a-dilla — Texas Rangers, Rangers Ballpark at Arlington
The Murph-a-dilla is your standard, run-of-the-mill, everyday 24-inch beef brisket quesadilla, lying on a pile of Doritos. It’s rumored to be the favorite snack of Rangers outfielder David Murphy. If true, David, you’ve got a future career as the host of “Man vs. Food.”
6. The Funnel Dog — Northwest Arkansas Naturals, Arvest Ballpark
It’s a hot dog inside a funnel cake. Pretty wonderful.
7. The Hammer — Atlanta Braves, Turner Field
Fried chicken is topped with bacon, pepper jack cheese, and pecan maple mayo, then bookended by waffles. I did not know that pecan maple mayonnaise was a thing until just now, but now I cannot imagine a world without it.
8. Pulled Pork Parfait — Milwaukee Brewers, Miller Park
It’s like an ice cream sundae, but instead of ice cream, there’s just pulled pork and mashed potatoes. Sounds about right for Wisconsin.
9. Meat Lover’s Hot Dog — Cincinnati Reds, Great American Ballpark
A deep-fried hot dog, topped with chili, pepper jack and salami. (The salami is also fried, because of course.)
10. The Halo Dog — Anaheim Angels, Angel Stadium of Anaheim
By comparison, this one seems almost tame: It’s just a hot dog wrapped inside bacon, topped w/ beans, cheese, pico de gallo and relish. But damn if that doesn’t sound edible.
11. Primanti Brothers — Pittsburgh Pirates, PNC Park
The decades-old formula from the Primanti Bros Pittsburgh sandwich shop is simple: Meat of your choice + cheese + slaw + fries + entire loaf of Italian bread. This one may be dangerous to your long-term health.
12. BBQ Stuffed Baked Potato — Houston Astros, Minute Maid Park
It’s like a normal baked potato, but instead of just cheese and sour cream, it also has pulled pork, barbecue sauce and jalapeño peppers. All other baked potatoes, you’re on notice.
13. All-Star BBQ Dog — Kansas City Royals, Kaufmann Stadium
This hot dog comes topped with pulled pork, cole slaw, pickle slices and barbecue sauce. For a casual, semi-fattening afternoon in KC.
14. The Victory Knot — Los Angeles Dodgers, Dodger Stadium
A 2-lb pretzel the size of home plate, plus a bunch of dipping sauces. In.
15. The Strasburger — Washington Nationals, Nationals Park
The Nationals have pretty much copied the Big Mac, right down the “secret sauce,” except that this burger weighs 8 lbs. Sharing discouraged.
16. Bats and Balls — Missoula Ospreys, Ogren Park at Allegiance Field
The bats are French fries. The balls, well, they’re balls: Rocky Mountain Oysters, aka Montana tendergroin, aka deep-fried bull calf testicles. Only $6.